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Morning rituals that lead to a great sex life...
I used to be turned off by the word ritual, imagining cults and religious dogma - but over time, I’ve learned the power of a good ritual. My clients create their own based on how they want to feel each day and how they get in the mood for sexy time.
All of this sets the pace for how we want to feel and kick-starts those neural pathways to more pleasure.
The most important for me is my morning ritual.
During his retreats, Matthew Hussey teaches that the difference between a good day and a bad day is normally three or four things going right in the morning. However, the best bit is that we can purposely create those things to get us started…
As we repeat them, we lay down neural pathways so our body knows we are having a good day, meaning I feel calmer, which allows my sexual energy to flow freely and I have put myself first.
I am also careful not to be super strict, if I miss one or two, or jumble the order up, this doesn’t mean I have failed!
As Tim Ferris puts it; “Here are five things that I attempt to do every morning. Realistically, if I hit three out of five, I consider myself having won the morning.”
We know sharing is caring, so here is a little taste of what it's like to wake up with me:
Wake up naturally. As much as possible (no, alarms. Imagine that), I trust my body to know when I'm rested.
First and foremost, playtime and cuddles when the appropriate person is there. How many of us reach for our phones before our partner, yet wonder why we don’t feel as connected to them?
Intimacy is more important than my phone.
Water. There’s always a bottle by my bed, dehydration fucks me right over, leaving me foggy and (even more!) easily distracted.
Meditate. I keep my iPad stripped of most social media, just Kindle, Netflix and a couple of really good meditation and yoga apps. (Gaia tv, Cody and Insight Timer and Yoga Nidra are my faves)
Occasionally I still wake up panicking over what I have to do. If I jump straight into ‘doing,’ the very masculine energy leaves me anxious and worried, caught up in self-doubt.
A guided or timed meditation allows me to reset, listen to what is right for me in the here and now. I do this sitting up or lying in bed, earphones in before the world kicks in.
Make my bed. Tim Ferris talks about this being one task you have already completed.
The military uses bed making as a disciplinary act. For me, having somewhere beautiful to curl up in at night is something I appreciate. It shows RESPECT for your space and you have already created something beautiful.
Wash my face or shower. Cleansing and rinsing away the night and massaging in delicious-smelling face wash (Liz Earle’s Cleanse & Polish™ Hot Cloth Cleanser Lavender & Vetiver is just delicious). Splashing my face with cold water is a mindful embodied practice. I am noticing the sensations, connecting to my body. If I shower, I nearly always two-minute tingle, this is our body appreciation exercise that is a really quick and enjoyable practice embodiment each day.
Choose clothes that feel good. I wear what I want to feel; sexy, beautiful, cosy… all intentional feelings that can be experienced through what I wear.
As I am turning into more of a digital nomad, exploring all the spaces and environments where I love to be. This includes Chester, London, Indonesia and Ibiza.
All super inspiring, beautiful, hedonist spaces, but even when I’m tucked away at my mum’s house I play close attention to the space I am working in:
“The place we live should be for the person we are becoming now – not for the person we have been in the past.” Marie Kondo, The Japenese Art of Tidying Up.
Even as a naturally messy person, an ‘artistic type’ (ahem), creating the right environment, even if I’m only there for a few hours, creates how I want to feel.
Incense, beautiful pens and journal, fresh flowers, a silver dish with sage and a candle, keywords from our manifesto. Activate my space with love.
Every damn day. Before the rest of the day kicks in. Sometimes it’s to share, sometimes it’s just for me. I can use my journal, I can use my laptop. It doesn’t matter. It’s non-negotiable. It’s creating. It’s balancing my thoughts. It’s brainstorming ideas. For more on journaling see our Dear Diary blog.
MISE EN PLACE
...with beautiful coffee in MY mug.
My mug changes over time, but I have one rule – it’s got to be big and it’s got to be rounded, you know, convex, ergonomically in tune to the cupping of my hands. It feels like a hug, from the mug. Yeah I went there.
And then on to ‘mise en place’. I love this term, mainly because it magically turns planning and preparation into something soo sexy.
I've stolen this from the world of professional kitchens. Chefs are only able to get into flow and create beautiful, nourishing, delicious food if they have everything they need ready to go. So the ‘mise’ is the preparation of dishes and ingredients before the beginning of service.
So before I dive in, I mise.
I have the Desire Map Planner by Danielle LaPorte which is big and beautiful and doesn’t have set times. I go with my body as much as possible. I have my week ‘brain dump’ from Dan Meredith’s book Be Fucking Awesome where I literally dump all ideas, task and inspiration and priorities at the start of the week. I start with how I want to feel, and then get together what I need to feel like that.
Balancing the ‘doing’ masculine with the ‘feeling’ feminine.
Last on my planner is a space for gratuity.
I have spoken about the negative bias in our minds, our in-built risk assessment that searches out the negative in every situation. This can simply be counteracted by being grateful.
There’s so much research out there to back it up, and it’s so flipping easy.
Supercharge tip: be super grateful for what you want more of e.g. if you want more clients, be grateful for the ones you have. If you want a better relationship with your body, be grateful for your body now. If you want more love in your life, be grateful for who you love and who loves you. If you want more time…. etc. etc.
Now, this is absolutely not prescriptive. Sometimes I yoga, run, walk, CrossFit. Whatever feels good for my body and where I am in my cycle.
Sometimes I plough into work like a bat out of hell, sometimes it takes me longer to engage. This doesn’t mean I’m failing, this means my body needs a little more rest and me time.
Other great morning ritual inspiration can come from The Miracle Morning book by Hal Elrod, Lewis Howes, Tim Ferris, Danielle La Porte…. Whoever inspires you.
The trick is, test them, play with what works, but don’t use them as set rules that we can compare ourselves against and decide we are failing if we don’t meet every single criteria that works for someone else.
Do what FEELS good for you.
Every day I have started with respecting my body and tuning in to my authentic voice. I feel calm, motivated and in control. Beautiful space invokes respect, pleasure and safety.
Three crucial elements to a great love life, one that starts with loving yourself.
Wishing you a delicious morning.
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