My Body, Your Body, Everybody’s Bodies
My Body, Your Body, Everybody’s Bodies
- are different. Shock horror.
Even among us female-identifying vulva owners (often referred to as women), our bodies are not the same.
Our faces are different, our vulvas are different, our metabolisms are different, our taste in food, art, politics, music and clothes are beautifully, mesmerizingly different.
So of course, our sexuality, our preferences, what turns us on and off, are also different.
Can you imagine how boring live would be if we all just wanted the same food all the time? It would be the SAME WITH SEX.
Some women are turned on by a change in the wind direction; 75% of us will only experience arousal when something sexually relevant is happening to us.
Some of us require sensual, loving touch to get revved up; others will need a little naughtiness or taboo to get the juices flowing.
Some of us will experience orgasms from stimulating all different parts of our body, but more often than not, orgasms (80% of them) will involve some form of clitoral stimulation.
All of us need to feel safe to experience arousal, but how we feel safe can vary, from being in a loving, monogamous relationship, to not being overheard, to shaving our legs, to knowing what’s on our to-do list tomorrow, to exploring with a partner in a well-organised play party.
So my question is – how can one person effectively teach you about your own body and your own experience, when everyone is so different? Well, they can’t.
Wait - did I just do myself out of a job…?
Welcome to Somatic Education
Somatic education is about EMPOWERING yourself by understanding how your own arousal system can be influenced and how you can negate the numbing effects of stressful modern life.
I don’t teach you how your own body works. I teach you how to teach yourself how your own body works. Train the trainer, so to speak. This type of embodied education has been beautifully described as ‘somatic education’ and it is the weapon of choice of Sexological Bodyworkers like me.
‘Somatic’ is derived from the word soma, meaning the entire body of an organism - ALL of us: the central nervous system, our mind, our soft tissue, our bones.
We are becoming more and more aware that we can’t think our way into happiness and health: our bodies and our sensations are all connected to our well-being. Our guts have the same neurological processing capacity as the brain of a dog and our central nervous system runs throughout our entire body.
If you fancy getting über geeky, Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory (2011) significantly reworks our understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat. We now understand, scientifically, how the modern world activates our autonomic nervous system, how experiencing low-level stress all the time will literally kill off our ability to experience arousal.
But, long story short: to feel good, to feel pleasure, to feel connected to the people we love the most, we need to be able to FEEL.
In today’s society, feeling is not a skill we are encourage to learn. The constant ‘go go go’ lifestyle; social media and virtual interaction replacing human connection; low-level, day-to-day stress – they all mean that we are more disconnected than ever.
The good news is, we can counteract this.
*Enter the somatic sex coach*
Techniques include: pleasure-infused sex education, mapping and understanding the effect that breath, movement and touch can have on your arousal systems and therefore how you can control your own arousal levels.
If this sounds like something you want to learn for yourself, IM Mindful Touch is the place to go.
If you are committed to connecting deeply to yourself, understanding how your own body works and counteracting ‘the numb’, IM Mindful Touch is the 8-week programme that will teach you how to do it.
Tap here to start your journey now, or if this feels like important work, and you are ready to put yourself and your pleasure but are looking for more guidance and support on your journey, reach out to me here to arrange one of ten free calls I am making available in August.