Healing the Virgin & Wh*re Split

(another beautiful woman’s story)

At the other end of the scale from my post “The Truth Behind Low Libido” are my s—x girls. (To be clear: these are not s—x workers — whom I love to support and work with. More on that soon.)

These are the women I work with who sit more on the “heaux” side of virgin-and-wh*re conditioning. They may come from religious backgrounds, have experienced neglect growing up, or simply have access to huge amounts of s—xual energy and didn’t know what to do with it other than f**k.

Recently I worked with a woman who had never felt like she’d had loving s—x. Actually, it kind of grossed her out. Like — eww, feelings.

She loved playing hard, was a queen of sloppy bjs, and had some phenomenally fun, exciting experiences. Some were a little edgy, some outside of her moral compass. All made for brilliant stories her friends loved to hear.

What she never shared with her friends was this cavernous, black hole in her heart space — a tenderness for love and connection so raw she could barely touch it. The disgust for falling in love — the “eeew” — was actually a protective layer: an automatic response when a desire is so deep that the fear of losing it would completely break you.

The fear of not being lovable runs deep, and mostly starts in childhood.

This woman had done so much work on herself — trauma therapy, somatic experiencing — to the point she wanted to scream. There’s a weird place where doing so much work can leave you feeling even more broken. That’s the part of talk therapy I really struggle with: it helps you understand why things are messed up, but understanding doesn’t always change the raw, empty feeling inside.

Acting like you have self-worth when you have a chasm-like hole in your heart is disingenuous and exhausting to maintain. Ask me how I know.

Where she actually started to shift wasn’t from talking more — although a good dose of education about how shame functions did help — it was in reconnecting the physical bridge between her heart and her p***y. The wound existed as a separation between the two: an energetic block.

Within a handful of guided py sessions, that split began to heal. Pulling the energy up from her py into her heart space, she started to feel her heart. The armour dropped, the walls softened, and the grief poured out. We couldn’t have done this in her head.

Recently she messaged me to say she’s having loving, connective s—x for the first time in her life. It brings me to tears every time.

It’s not me healing people — I provide the education and hold the space for women to access the power of their s**xual life-force energy, which is already within them. Within you. Now.

For me, there is nothing more beautiful or more important than this.