Express Yourself

If I said to you, ‘That woman is fully expressing her s xuality.’

What image does it bring up?

Hot? Powerful? Slutty? Open?Unlovable? Are you jealous? Have you found a kindred spirit…?

10-15years ago, I’d see Pamela Anderson on that speed boat with Tommy Lee. The blond bombshell, ‘perfect’ porn star body, Rock Star husband who was obsessed with her, amazing at giving head, living a life where she could be naked on a boat and not feel self-conscious.

I saw the advert for Pammy and Tommy TV series the other day, my body felt my old desperation to be like her. Within a few clicks I found the speed boat video, and some of it was very true, the hotness and play, the a rockstar life – and the other parts landed so differently.

It was summed up in a quote from the tv trailer, not verbatim, but along the lines of Pammy saying “everything I do is for other people.”

It’s all a performance.

This cut me open, my entire teenage-30 something desire was based on performing.

Fast forward to 5 years ago, in the world of BDSM I had found so much acceptance for my sexuality, and was having so much fun - the outfits were damn hot, I could surrender into my involuntary in a heartbeat, there where endless players, in an endless game with an endless buffet of new things to learn, each more extreme than the other.

Again, here there were so many elements of truth, and much like my teenage hero Pammy, this underlying sense of performance,

“Everything I do is for other people.”

I’ve spent the last few years stripping back performance, to the point I didn’t even know who I was any more, what would really turn me on, what my body really wants, without bells and whistles – not to say they won’t come back in.

Just me. It’s exceptionally vulnerable.

I can’t even attempt to switch performance on anymore.

And in this space, there is nothing more than a yes and no.

Yes, my body wants this.

No, thankyou.

Yes, body is hungry for more of this.

A connection to what is true and what isn’t.

It fluctuates.

It flows.

When you learn to listen.

What I love about our s xuality, and what is reflected in our entire lives, is that it is constantly evolving, there is always more to discover, always a deeper expression, always a deeper connection, the truth always evolving.

And once you strip back the performance, that is where full expression begins. In and out of the bedroom.

It’s a journey of a lifetime.

An adventure of a lifetime.

If you’re feeling this, and would like to fins out more about working with me, drop me a message here.

p.s. Yes, I even dressed as Pammy at a fancy dress party…