Spice It Up; Sex Party 101
I love hanging out at Killing Kittens, ultra-glam, hedonistic, Kabaret evening.
It truly is an epic night, and my ideal way to spend a Wednesday evening. Full of amazing performances and delicious people looking sexy as hell, with the cheeky ‘if you know you know’ masquerade masks. Amazing, yet not intimidating.
So many women reach out to me because they are curious about spicing things up by attending a sex party or arranging threesomes.
Playing with others can be one of the best ways to explore your naughty, sensual, sexy side.
However, spicing things up can easily end in tears, or leave you feeling awkward and rejected if you go in with your eyes wide shut… get it??
Just me, lolz.
Having clear boundaries, communication, and a plan for if (and when), it goes a bit wrong is crucial.
To help you get started here’s my…
MUST DOS FOR SPICING THINGS UP
The key is knowing what’s going to TURN YOU ON?
Not doing things because your partner wants to, or thinking that’s cool… so I should be up for that.
This means creating a little stillness and by-passing what your head says you ‘should’ want. Listening to your body is always going to give you YOUR authentic response, acting out of alignment with this causes disconnection from your body, your ability to get tuned on and will lead to resentment and feeling not good enough.
Just not hot.
Foreplay
At least 24hrs before you jump into any play (not after a glass of wine, or when you’re super horny), answer these questions. If the answer feels exciting and light, this is F’YES from the soul.
If the answer feels heavy, flat, or just a bit weird, this is F’NO.
If it does turn you on but your inner voice is kicking off… ‘What would people think?’, ‘Does that mean I’m not enough?’ etc…
These are some BS stories you get to reframe, around what being a sexual woman means to you.
CHECKLIST
Does it turn me on to engage with another person alone? Other couples, singles, same or mixed sex?
Does it turn me on for my partner to engage with another person alone? Other couples, singles, same or mixed sex?
Does it turn me on to play as a couple together?
Does it turn me on to swap couples?
Then ask what kind of play...
Kissing? Petting (over and under clothes)? Penetration (fingers/penis/toys)?
Oral, toys, kink?
In a private space or in public space?
Do you want to watch or be watched?
The more detail the better.
Then decide on STI protection and choice of contraception (condoms for penetration and oral? Or do you prefer dental dams?)
Do you know what your status is? If not get tested!
The main event
My advice to newbies, is go and see at a night like Kabaret by KK. Go and see what turns you on first, watch other couples together and swapping, singles mingling, and remember it’s far easier to come back and do more, than go too far and deal with the emotional aftermath.Safe words are an important boundary for play because it provides a clear way for you to communicate. If you’re uncomfortable, it’s a really easy way to check in throughout the evening.
My favourites are red and amber. Red means stop completely, and amber means take a break and try something different. Green is good to go.
If something does go a little far or it’s too much, knowing you can easily communicate this to your partner, will help you relax.
A couple of glasses of alcohol can be delicious, but if you’re a sloppy drunk, you’re more likely to end up doing something you don’t want to. Take it easy.
AfterplaY
Even the best experiences can be intense and cause a massive rush of endorphins and this is especially important if things have gone a little off piste.
It is normal to feel more vulnerable and even a little low, a day or two after. Having some simple things in place, even with a casual partner, can help ride out the comedown and set you up for exploring more.
For me this includes having a chilled day with my partner, loads of contact and affection and a debrief. This allows all the delicious hormones to land and for me to feel all safe and cared for.
The debrief is what worked, what didn’t, what you want more of, what you want less of and this is the perfect time to revisit, if things did feel a little flat.
With more and more people exploring their sexy side, it can be so much fun. Having a safe container for all the delicious fun to flow, makes all the difference!
Have you been scouring the web to find out how to get that spark back, considering sex parties but not there yet, and feeling disconnected from your own body?
Are you ready to feel like a new woman? Sexy, alive and the best version of yourself both in and out of the bedroom? Deeply connected to your partner.
Then book a call with me today to find out how I can help.
CD. x