How Your Relationship To Pain, Is Blocking Your Libido
“There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
She was very, very good,
And when she was bad, she was horrid.”
This was one of my favourite nursery rhymes as a child, but as with all fairy-tales it came with a good dose of conditional love; behave yourself or you won’t be loved!
What makes you bad? Not respecting your elders.
Being loud, angry, noisy, answering back.
Too emotional.
Saying no.
As a woman, you’ve been conditioned to sit still, be quiet and not make a fuss. Yet feminine energy is beautiful, wild, emotional, it’s variable, it’s creation itself and the most powerful force on this planet.
It make’s new human beings FFS!
But growing up with these messages blocks it.
You’re not allowed to feel.
It’s like you’ve got a damn wall around your heart and soul, and even when you’ve built the perfect life, you feel disconnected, alone and guilty for wanting more.
This wall is your capacity, your upper limit of feeling the uncomfortable feels. It is also your upper limit to the good shit, love, pleasure, happiness, joy…
And how many times have you uttered, I just want to feel happy?
The seemingly unsexy part of stepping into your power, is giving yourself permission to feel.
When it hurts, it’s allowed to fucking hurt.
When you’re angry, you’ve got to rage.
When you feel lonely, you’ve got to let your heart break.
This isn’t a problem to be fixed, this is the human experience, the feminine flavoured human experience.
HOW TO GET COMFORTABLE WITH FEELING THE UNCOMFORTABLE FEELS
Choose a safe space where you won’t be disturbed… I love the bath for heart break, the vulnerability of being naked, and being held by the hot water works a treat.
Notice where you feel it in your body, sit with the sensation. Every time your mind starts the argument again, replays the text messages, or tries to convince you that this should have been different, it’s not fair, or if you were better…
Bring it back to your body. It will get more intense.
Move with it, play music, cry, scream and shout if you need to, and when you’re done, play something sexy or uplifting.
Dive deeper by grabbing your journal;
How do I feel?
When did I last experience this sensation?
When did I first experience this feeling?
Is this really true?
What do I need now?
There is huge amounts of intelligence in these moments, sometime you’ll want to explore and learn, sometimes you just need to feel.
Your capacity to feel pain and discomfort, is the same capacity you have for love and pleasure.
Your capacity to feel pain and discomfort, is the capacity you have to feel desire and arousal.
If you feel stuck in a routine and disconnected from your powerful, sexual energy and are ready to step to feel sexy, alive and the best version of yourself, in and out of the bedroom book a call to find out how I can help.